Text Messaging - SMSes (The New Mantra) Part I

Short messaging service that is what an SMS stands for. Trust me, there are more than many full forms which can be extracted from this acronym and they all will live up to the full form. These days everyone is holding a cell phone in his/her hands. This is the reason why there are close to numerous cell phone packages that have been introduced in the market. To me it looks as if people are more interested in packages and cell phones than talking or expressing their feelings to their loved ones. Anyways, getting back to the main topic i.e. SMS and its arrival on not so perfect time, allow me to introduce you with some of the scenarios which you must have experienced in your life:

Sikh Message Supplies:

We are prone to jokes that are sent over cell phones. Most of the jokes are based on Sikhs and Punjabis. Rest of the front is served by Memons, as they are the only ones who can tolerate jokes on them. Consider yourself belonging to same cultural background and receiving such messages on daily, in fact hourly, basis. What will you feel? Just like every cloud has a silver lining, every person has a limitation lining. Having a cell phone loaded with some “cool” packages does not mean that such messages should be shared, every now and then.

Sexual Metaphoric Stuff

Whether its university life or professional life every one of us have come across some really dirty minds. After all, as said by a philosopher “the cornier the joke, the harder they laugh”. Many people are in habit of sharing wicked, sultry and sickly disgusting jokes. Let me accept that they do bring smile to my face, but there is nothing to “LOL” about. But again, repetition of same jokes is nothing but wastage of time. It is better to get serious in life and here seriousness does not mean saying a “NO TO SMILE” and a few laughs but quality of fun should be uplifted.

Sentimental Menace Senders

Do you have friends who don’t care to talk to you and they don’t even visit you when you need them the most? Of course, we all have such kind of breeds in our friend’s list. Just imagine them sending you sentimental and emotional text messages about love, friendship and relationship. To me it sounds totally B/S. Anyways, these so called “friends” text you and at the end of the messages it’s mentioned that “Send this message to 5 friends of yours and revert it to me as well”. I just don’t get it, if at first place they wanted to have it (the message) in their inbox then why do they move them to outbox? Emotional blackmailing is the best kind making anyone say whatever you want them to. You Guys Need A Break!

Am sure there can be more than many extensions and full forms of SMS (driven by one’s mind on the basis of their experiences). For those more, stay tuned!

Share your experiences and incidents that made you uneasy because of receiving weird SMSes.

Pakistani Government got Twatted (Literally)

It is ironic how naïve the government of Pakistan is when it comes to certain matters; at one end it already “Banned” the twitter that, according to it created some unlawful and unethical problems for the “beloved nation of the government”. Well that’s something strange, at least for me. And on the other hand there are still ways with which one can easily access “twitter” provided he or she has other internet connections (like Wi-Tribe or Wateen etc) than “PTCL’s DSL”. 

To me, this is nothing new as Pakistani government has already banned the access of porn sites including (well I won’t name those here) countless, but all those sites are even accessed and videos are streamed if one has any of the other connections. What is it? What kind of stupid authority is that? Or should I call it biased or an exaggerated voice would even call it “corrupt”. Well I don’t know how those connections still provide the services that are banned in Islamic Republic of Pakistan? 

Anyways, what really caught my attention was the fact that, as per our (Pakistani’s) local news channels the story was cracked as “Government has imposed a ban on twitter because every year twitter and other social websites held a competition to degrade Pakistan’s culture and religion through pictures, cartoon and other stuff – and many messages have been sent to the authorities to stop these activities to abash Pakistan”. 

Whereas according to BBC (UK), the report is totally different, they have no idea why Pakistani Interior Minister banned twitter, though they also did not receive any updates or notifications from Pakistani Interior Minister of any kind. Now the question is, why does Pakistani Government get different tools and techniques to get noticed worldwide on such baseless topics and news? Don’t they have some better things to do? Don’t they have poverty, illiteracy and inflation to fight with? Why is it always controversy that we (Pakistanis) are interested in, be it Veena Malik, Cricket Board or Facebook?

When will this stereotype (blindfolded) thinking phenomenon be stopped? These days if a professional wants to make an impression outside Pakistan he has to have recognition of his work and that can only be possible through social websites; the profession can encompass media, business, doctor, arts or any other form. But it has always been a practice among Pakistanis to try to eliminate the root of success and positivity. Whether they were the days of Liaquat Ali Khan when he wanted Muslims to learn “English Language” or be it today when every possible way is eradicated to make a dent in the world with excellence.

It is about time that we realize the importance of an educated and practical government that has personnel that can look, act and think like mature and educated minds, unlike extremists or issue finders.

Last but not the least; I just updated my status at twitter “Pakistani Government got Twatted (literally)”. 

Join me for bringing the change.

And they think I am Crazy!

Just because a person wants to do what he feels, people (mostly) consider him (or her) weird. Why does one has to live according to others? And then it is said that people have freedom of living. Well, the reality is we are living in a society, irrespective of class segmentation, where we can still not “DO” what we want to. We are dependent upon our parents, spouses, kids, friends and professional colleagues and so on. 

The problem lies in other peoples’ mind not in one’s own. If a person wants to wear orange shirt irrespective of his age or hierarchical level he is considered as cheap. We do not associate people with their brains and capabilities but their dresses and visual smartness. On the contrary when we talk about using fonts for chatting, most of us go for vibrant colors and funky styles. Similarly all the marketing campaigns are carried out in unusual ways just to let that campaign differentiate from others.

Similarly if a person wants to look different from the “lot” then why does he have to face a lot of criticism and opposition from others? He usually becomes the center of the jest and tease from others. This does not tell how crazy he is but this depicts how crazy people are in either letting others feel shame or not letting anyone stand out. If a person is comfortable in his or her ways, why do others have to point it out as an alienating thing?

Similarly if a person loves to stay casual about things why do people have to force him to become serious psycho? Everyone has the right to live his life as per his own way and comfort then why do we try to influence others. There are numerous ways with which people influence other individuals. I personally believe that most of the individuals who are either insecure or frustrated within tend to advise others for being “so different” from the bunch. As they don’t have the balls to embrace that daring move hence they want to stop others too.

To me, it is a crazy thing to do. I mean we don’t stop people or friends from doing injustice to others. We also don’t stop any corruption, for which we have the power to stop. We even don’t stop our good friends (whom we respect) to date numerous girls and boys and fool them but we enjoy to stop them to live their lives in a way that they feel comfortable in.

Strange but true!

The English Fuck-tree (Factory)

Well this is amongst my first of “such posts” that I usually neither write nor read. It is in fact a thought that has encountered me almost every day, as I meet different individuals from different phases of life including students, professionals, entrepreneurs, bureaucrats and few politicians as well. All these individuals whom I met are usually educated, but the kind of language they use is pretty interesting.

Actually we (citizens of third world countries) have this “Keera”; worm of speaking English unnecessarily. Most of the individuals think that they do some “fantabulous job” when they speak this language. Anyways, following are few torturous, interesting and mind boggling incidents / encounters that I came across. At times they seem funny to me and at times (when I am tensed), they are horrible

I purchased a few CDs from a local music store, some of them didn’t work, and when I reached the vendor for exchanging the CDs he politely asked “Can I have your Dicks sir, so that I can check them by running and cleaning them in case they have scratches over them?” (phucking lord,  is it practically possible?) Then I realized he must be asking out for “Discs”. I handed him the Discs and he returned them after 10 minutes of thorough check-up by saying some golden words that I can never forget “Here are your new Dicks sir, enjoy them”

I was in my cabin working on a client’s file when a colleague of mine entered without knocking and asking me out “hey Dew’d you gotta Plaas?” I asked him twice what he meant and then he described the function of Pliers to me, to which I excused. Just imagine it in a situation when your “Boss” has assigned you an urgent task with limited timeline and someone asking questions like that.

Last month I was invited to a politicians’ house she, to me, looked quite qualified as the way she sa-peaks (Speaks) but when she handed over a note to me on which it was written “Well-cum to my hose” I was taken a back and re-thought, does she really wants/thinks that?” but then I retreated myself and kept my focus on other openings that might needed to be used in case of a quick exit.

When I was inducting writers in my team there were few incumbents whose interviews were scheduled some of them were really nice in both verbal and written English and some were horrifying. I interviewed a girl who was studying at Bahria University, she all of a sudden shoot “I don’t want to do a blowjob” (which she would have meant as “Below job”). I was literally shocked to hear her using such a term but then when she explained what she meant by “Blowjob” it all get clarified. On the contrary there are still many individuals who pronounce “Google” as “Googlie”. It is really hard to control a blast of laugh in such situations when you are sitting in a meeting and an enthusiastic employee adds his comments to get noticed by the others. And I don’t understand why “the” becomes “Daaa” and “Dhaa” by almost 75% of the educated class?

There are many people who are smart asses and they know how to blow their wrath out. In case if it is woman, a colleague of mine always asks “whore tame kee hoya hai?” (and/so what is the time?). Whenever he gets pissed off at any girl/woman he asks this to low down his BP.

There are many people around us who speak English as their fuss“t” language and not as FIRST (not because they know it but they speak to impress others). It is not just Meera or Veena whom we should make fun of, on the contrary we should not make fun of these people but instead educate them with. 

Share your thoughts on this and also share those words that you also find funny and extremely questionable (most usually read it as “Co-is-chun-able”)

P.S. Special Thanks to "Tashmeem Mirza" for correcting my mistakes)


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